Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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