His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
