I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
