No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
