the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
