Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
