break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
