i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
only you would photoshop your dick
Operation Purity has been aborted
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
