If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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