sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
