Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
