Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
