just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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