whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
