dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize