I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
