Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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