So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
