My liver just broke up with me...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize