Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
