I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
