It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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