There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
