Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
