dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
