she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
