On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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