He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
