Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
