Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
