I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
