You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize