Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
