Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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