batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
