He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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