I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
