I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
