have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
