Ketchup is God's man juice
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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