He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
