three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize