I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize