dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
