I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
