He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
