My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I want is dick and wine.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
