3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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