bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
