theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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