the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
