OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
