I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
