well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
