Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
