Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
