he wants to bone in the snuggie
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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