I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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