i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize