Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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