The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
