It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
