conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
