Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
