Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
