It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
