I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
