My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Alive.
So much puke
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
