I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
