so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
