I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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